one of my roommates brought me to a pawn shop today so i could get some cash for my camera. i rarely used it so it wasn’t much of a loss to me. it netted me $50. about what i expected. she and i haven’t really spoken about my situation. she seemed genuinely concerned about my upcoming homelessness. and i was a bit surprised/touched by it. we have after all only known each other for a couple of months. she will be leaving the apartment we are currently sharing, because our third roommate is perhaps one of the most delusional sociopaths i have ever met.
but that insanity is not what this blog is about. though because of that insanity i had been thinking about moving for several months now, (in actuality i had been thinking about moving after about a month of sharing a domicile), but the hassles of having to move again combined with the difficult task of finding an apartment that will allow a dog, let alone a pitbull, caused me to put up with his behavior.
as i was walking pearl today, i thought that perhaps my becoming homeless is in reality a blessing in disguise. “after all”, i thought, “how long would i have continued to live in this mildly unpleasant living situation?” but even more that that i realized that since becoming unemployed a little over two years ago, i had come to be trapped and somewhat complacent in my life.
while i was working, in addition to putting in 35 or so hours a week, i would also bike 5 miles a day, weight-lift 4 times a week, perform hindu-yogi breathing exercises/ meditate on a daily basis as well as voraciously read. but since losing my job and having more time in which to continue to do these activities, i slowly, almost imperceptibly, stopped doing them. of course my heart attack and subsequent recovery brought my exercise routines to a halt. but even before that i had begun to slack-off on these activities i enjoyed.
when i got home from my little trek with my faithful companion, i realized that perhaps being on the cusp of homelessness was the way of the universe to shake things up for me, to shake me awake from this complacent stupor i had become ensnared in.
or perhaps not. maybe i am just another victim of an engineered socio-economic collapse devised by a hidden cabal of evil-doers.
either way, i can wallow in despair at what is to come, or i can choose to see the coming times as the ashes from which a new transformed self will emerge. it’s all in the perception, and how one reacts to the perception.
danny aiello in one of my favorite films, “jacob’s ladder”
to anyone who may wish to help me out, i have created a wish list at amazon.com for certain things that will be very helpful for me to have while i am homeless, but which i can not in anyway afford. you can simply select the item that you wish to donate, and it will be sent to me.
my wishlist can be found at the following link: wishlist
thank you
ironwrackdream 